The Mother

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I see you watching me in my dreams, I hear your voice when you are mute……Why is it you can see my every move? “I am going to do this…..just you watch me”

Leave me now, I am busy with me…..what was that? What did you say? Now there is a haze of confusion, a barrier, or something holding me back, why is it your words can bury me with a thousand spades? “I am good enough you know…..I really am”

I never asked for your opinion, the goddess of all critics, you are my Achilles heel; you breathe fear and resentment into my very bones. Let me move my soul on my own…..”I can do this you …….I have it in me”

You are the architect of emotional elasticity, you never let me go. I do not know how to remove the disease, the infestation, this resistance in me. “I have wings you know ……..I will use them”

Is it set in stone that I shall forever be at your mercy? is this a spell of eternity which I cannot disenchant?Your image is clear, your thoughts are irrevocable; your spirit breathes deep within me……..Mother do you hear me…………..LET ME GO!

I felt compelled to get this off my chest and share, it may resonate with some or may not however its part of our cognitive engineering and we should try to understand it.

Our very core existence is due to the ability of our mothers to bring life into this world. We have no choice ….our mother is our mother. I have analysed the relationship with my Mother over many years. I am sure like many I have positive and negative memories. However it is no coincidence that the mother leaves the biggest footprint on our lives. She is covertly and overtly present through our formative years. We are made up of a series of traumatic blue prints good and bad of which sometimes we find hard to disembowel in our adult lives. I love my Mum and my Mum loves me this is nature. All said and done I will carry her all the way to my grave.

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